Sentuhan Kepada Hati

 Yang melembutkan hatimu adalah ketika kamu melihat manusia atau kejadian yang menyentuh hatimu dan kamu merasa mereka tidak seharusnya merasakan itu. Pada saat yang sama, kamu bisa merasakan kepedihan hati mereka ketika mereka menjalani kehidupan tersebut. Atau terlebih, kamu bisa melihat betapa sesuatu yang sejatinya pedih bisa mereka jalani dengan tanpa meratapi kesedihan itu. Mereka berjalan, menerjang, terbang, tanpa mempedulikan pedih dan keluh karena hidup tidak sekadar pedih dan keluh. Ada sesuatu yang mereka perhatikan di luar sana, ada yang mereka ingin capai dan perhatikan. Hatiku juga bisa begitu, dan memang begitu. Aku punya peduli, aku punya hati. Aku juga paham bahwa itu bisa kembali merekah. Bahwa ia memang lembut dan bahwa ia memang berbesar untuk orang lain. Maka latih hatimu kembali dengan perhatian yang mendalam pada perasaan-perasan orang yang mengalami hal semacam itu. Perhatikan dengan hati, dan hati-hati dengan perhatianmu. Karena yang menyentuh hatimu itu yang perlu dilakukan setiap hari, agar kamu tetap menjadi sehat dengan hatimu. 

Gratefulness and Dreaming Ahead

 As the usual - after midnight or almost dawn in the dark of times when most people are sleeping - my thoughts are running. This time, it gets back again to the writing I made back then in 2014 - the first time I eventually become consistent with only one blogspot that I have. This one. 

Things have changed so much since then. I was a student in an undergraduate program, still in IR. Things changed in 2015 and 2016, I became a student of University of Sydney and my dream once again became true. And now, have I been trying to reach my dream again? Am I ready for another dream?

I am a lecturer now. Teaching IR, yes. Doing works for peace, I am trying to. Both in activism and in academia. Have I been living a dream? I live the dream of many people wanting to go abroad and study, and I live the dream of people wanting to be a lecturer. I live the dream of many people wanting to work in UII, and I live the dream of people wanting to be free. Like Kevin. You do remember, Kevin. 

Suprisingly this writing takes turn in the way I didn't expect it to be: a reflection of what I should be grateful of. I am now living freely, doing job I like by teaching and serving others for peace, having a degree that many people envy. Isn't that enough? For having things I live, thus, I should be grateful. Because Allah provides for me things that Allah doesn't for other people. For this reason, you are entitled to an honor to serve others the way you can with those things Allah blesses you with. 

What about dreaming? Do you still have a dream rif? I do, though. I want to study in one of the best-known best university in the world, like Oxford so that I could place myself there to inspire more people. Do I honestly want to inspire other people or do I just need some validation? I often question myself that. But I pray for you ya Allah to purify my intention and set it straight for me. I do realize I want people with the same identity as mine to be able to achieve their dream if they want to. 

I can believe that Allah gave me strength to get through Sydney Uni. It was harsh, don't get me wrong. It was not an easy task to finalise that particular study. And yet Allah helps me to get through it. 

Now, do I need some validation? Should I need some validation? Those are two things: a fact-check and a value-orientation. A fact-check should help me understand my needs. Now do I need one? From a human being? Mentally do I need one? Isn't it tiring to not get acceptance from people? But isn't it ourselves who can change that situation? Yeah. I can change the situation, and that will happen of course by trying and by praying and giving this all to Allah. Eventually these are from and will come back to Allah. So why bother trying to get a validation from people when you know that it comes from Allah and it will come back to Allah. It doesn't change a thing in your life, because they don't have the power to do so. They will be able to, if you give them a way to do so through your mind. So the key is trusting Allah fully that you are with Allah and Allah is with you. That is the way to get rid of all the clinginess to validation that you do realize you have it. Now, you had it!

Valid or not, accepted or not by people, feelings are feelings. Things are things, and facts are facts. There is no such thing as invalid feeling just because other people think the mindset or thought processes are wrong. Pointing out that people's feeling are wrong, is wrong. Therefore, let the feeling go without blaming yourself or others. Because you simply feel it, and they just don't understand it. 

Once you conquer that desire for validation, you conquer yourself for the things that makes you insincere. You become you because you do what you want to do not thinking about whatever good or bad or not-so-important things that other may say to you even in their minds. Those are all behind you, so move ahead. 

Moving ahead knowing I am enough and I am with Allah, I am reaching my dream for peace. That's where I want to be ya Allah. Doing things that makes peace for the world. It is probably not new, but please assure me that I have my own way of doing it that might lead to a legacy to make the world a better place to live. At least for one more person in this life. 

I thank You for this wondrous life and I am moving ahead as You blesses me everyday regardless. 

You Allah, my Guide, my Lord, my Everything.