To be honest, I'm terrified of all greatness I might have in front of me. I'm on the verge of breaking down my own limit, getting into globally top ranked universities in Australia. My first choice would be University of Sydney (45th), the other would be University of Melbourne (43rd), Australian National University (19th) and University of Wollongong (243rd). All those universities, I chose them myself actually but still... It's kinda frightening.
It's the fact that those universities are so great that nudges my fear. I'm worried, would I be able to fit in with their system? Would I be brave to speak up in the classes? Would I have the ability to create those amazing papers, sparkling ideas, coherent writings, and so on? Even now I'm struggling for my IELTS, and it's been difficult.
My fear is linked to the fact that I once failed to finish my study at a qualified state university in Semarang. It's horrifying for me every time I recall that memory. It's even hard for me to step into that aforementioned university campus, it was trembling just to face my lecturers, just to talk simple stuff about college. It's depressing, and it felt like I was under pressure.
It's those memories that got me frightened, trapped me into a dilemma. I don't want to experience all those feelings anymore, yet I am looking for best quality of education and teaching, so that I could do well and be advantageous once I come back to my beloved home land. I'm afraid of what might happen in the future. But some say, feeling afraid makes you feel like you're actually onto something important. Is this important?
Yes, it is important. I'm looking forward to study peace and conflict studies due to my previous result saying that there's a potential concept I believe would become a breakthrough in the field of peacemaking. I believe that Islam is a gateway to peace, instead of, as many narrow-minded people and media say, becoming the trigger of conflicts and terrorist attacks. I saw it through my previous university, that we promote tolerance among different religions. We embrace every other people from various religious groups, understanding differences, be okay with all those differences and appreciates them well. That's what I believe, a theory I beg to propose, and it is important.
Other than that, being away from home is never easy. Homesick might be one, but other obstacles are obvious. Having to adapt to new culture, new system, with no companies around, meeting strangers. It's hard but Allah said "verily, with hardship comes ease." What I will gain in the future, It would really worth the struggle.
Challenges are ahead of me, I should not be weak, and I believe that I am strong, I will strongly struggle. I'm not a naysayer when it comes to dreams, and this is my dream. No matter how fearful I am right now, no matter what hardship I will have to face, I'll break a leg and succeed.
Don't be sad, indeed, Allah is with us.
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